Thinspiration4U

Since moving to Scotland I have had a lot of trouble using this buddyslim ID… I’ve been missing all my buddyslim pals and have created a new name… hoping that I will no longer have problems with it.  You can now find me at http://www.buddyslim.com/Gillian.

I’ll post my first blog from my new name this evening.  Hope all is well!

It’s been a while since I have had the opportunity to sit down and log on!  As of yesterday, I am now in Scotland.  The weather hasn’t been very welcoming and was a bit of a shock to my system but other than that, things are great.  I am slowly but surely getting settled in and after a hectic week in The States with my boyfriend saying good bye to all my loved ones we now anxiously await our first house guests, his older brother and his girlfriend, getting here tomorrow afternoon and staying for a week.  So, it appears I will have another crazy week before things settle down and get into a normal routine.

All I have really been doing so far has been trying to turn my boyfriends messy bachelor pad into a neat, guest friendly home… it’s a work in progress but I have definitely made some improvements!  I haven’t figured out how to weigh in yet since I’m used to pounds and now have to start using U.K measurements… but I hope to weigh in tomorrow so I have a starting Scotland weight to start deducting from.

I have a feeling I will hit many weight loss goals while I am here.  We have been eating all homemade meals, which I suspect will be a little different this week with more travel and sightseeing with our company; I have been drinking water, hot tea and milk, I have to walk up 4 flights of stairs to get to the flat and we have been going out for a stroll at least once a day so far… so all seems to be going well and I am anxious to start seeing the numbers on the scale begin to melt away.

With my move, I have now realized some new goals… so here they are.

New Goals:

I want to be able to fly without using a seat belt extender.

I’d like to be at 250 or less by the time I have a return visit to The U.S at the end of July.

Continue to become more active each day.

Continue to make and find healthy food choices that are also tasty!

I hope everyone out there is having a great week.  I’ll post again after my week of house guest and touring Scotland!

My weight has been as issue for me my entire life.  I knew early on that I was going to have to develop a great personality and sense of humor… because I wasn’t going to get by on my looks and body.  I’m pleased with the person I am on the inside… I am confident that the “inside Gillian” is the best she can be.  It’s the “outer Gillian” that needs a lot of work.  I have found journals dated since I was a preteen where I was just begging the Lord to take this weight away from me and make my outside match my inside.  I now realize that God didn’t miraculously take the weight away for a reason.  It wasn’t because he couldn’t… it’s because I need to make the journey for myself.  It’s the journey that is going to make reaching those goals so sweet.

I am tired of playing the blame game.  I’ve had my family tell me all the reasons that it’s okay to be as heavy as I am.  Heredity, childhood trauma, because I’m a giver and don’t have time to focus on myself, stress, depression over deaths in the family, medical problems… etc.  I’ve heard all the excuses for so long that I’ve grown to believe them as well.  None of it is true.  I’m fat because I eat too much and don’t get enough activity.  Period.  End of story.  Only I can change that and now that my eyes are wide open…. my weight loss dreams will be my reality.

I was taking a walk yesterday and thinking about all the ways I have let my weight get in the way of life.  I never fully enjoy myself in social situations because I’m too self-conscious.  I cringe when anyone wants me in a picture and have never liked the result of a picture with myself in it.  I love to shop but am always so disappointed in what I see staring back at me in the changing room.  I never want to shop with others because I don’t want anyone else to see the huge sizes I have to pick out… and often still can’t fit in.  I avoid amusement parks because I know I won’t fit in the rides… but secretly I love amusement parks.  And even with my upcoming trip to Scotland that I am so excited about… I can’t fully be excited because I’m terrified that I won’t be able to get my seatbelt around me on the flight and because I know during the first week there we have a lot of physical activities planned with another couple and I’m afraid I won’t be able to keep up with them.

Not once, not twice but three times in my life I have had people think I was pregnant because of my weight.  I had a complete stranger walk up to me in a store and place her hands on my belly and ask me if I knew what it was…. I answered easily, “Yep… too much cheesecake and fast food.”  She was horrified and I laughed it off but inside I was mortified.  I don’t want to have these experiences anymore. 

I want to lose weight for many reasons…. in fact I believe my next blog will be a list of those various reasons.  I’m so confident that moving to Scotland will be so positive for me in my weight loss endeavors that I have already told many friends that we are going to an amusement park at the end of July when I return to The States.  I know I will have lost enough that I won’t be worried about fitting in the rides.  I’m no longer at a point or age where weight loss is simply what I want…. it’s what I need!  I know that in order to have a long, healthy life and eventually have children…. the weight has to be conquered now.

So, I’ll end this with a couple of things I have accomplished since my last blog.  I am finally working out more and I have kicked the habit of sodas.  I’ve given up regular AND diet sodas.  I have a lot more bad habits to kick in the process but I am taking things one day at a time and one habit at a time.  The new focus is more meals at home and less fast food meals.  I compromised with my doctor as well.  I had quit taking my medicine because when they increased my dosage the side effects were rough.  So I agreed to taking 1 pill a day instead of 3.  My doctor told me something yesterday that I really needed to hear.  He said he had no doubt that I would hit my weight loss goals because he had never seen anyone that was so motivated despite the many setbacks.  He then said now it was time to look past the setbacks and focus on the goal at hand.  And that is exactly what I intend to do.  I hope y’all are having a great week.  Stay motivated!  Stay focused on your goals and make your dreams come true!

First of all, I’m not a negative person in any way, shape or form.  Even positive people like myself can reach their breaking point though.  Just really need to take a minute to unload and then I’m sure I’ll feel better.

I desperately need more time!  I feel like these last couple of weeks in The States should be enjoyable time with friends and family…. but I have to say it’s more stressful than anything.  My planner is filled to capacity of appointments, dinner dates, parties in my honor and all that is being arranged around work.  The good news is I have one more complete work week.  Then I have a two day breather before Andrew makes it to town on St Patty’s Day and then we spend the following week making the rounds for all our good-byes.  So the lack of time has me stressed, worn out, and sruggling to get my workouts in and plan my meals properly.  For example, I had to have some work done on my car today and it was only supposed to be an hour.  I had planned to make a wonderful, healthy dinner when I got home.  The work on my car took three hours and I didn’t get home until almost 8, so fast food replaced that healthy dinner and my planned after dinner walk was canceled because by the time I got home and had dinner, it was dark out and chilly again!  UGH!

I gave up my medicine… which my doctor will not be happy about.  I felt like the side effects I was dealing with was worse than the PCOS.  As soon as I went off the meds I was a new person.  Stomach issues vanished, energy levels replenished, headaches eased up.  Also, everything I have researched about PCOS basically says that if you can manage to lose the weight despite the PCOS…. most of your issues resolve themselves without the use of meds.  The losing weight is the difficult part though because your body seems to fight your efforts.  UGH!

Still having bladder issues!  It’s the strangest thing!  I feel like I have a bladder infection, a bad one.  My doctor says my urine shows no signs of infection but doesn’t like the tenderness I feel when he presses on my bladder.  SO he prescribed a medicine and told me to take it for three days… if I felt fine… stop taking the medicine.  It was a week’s worth of medicine.  After three days I felt like myself again and stopped the medicine.  Two days later I was hurting worse than when I had gone to the doctor about it.  So, I took the last 4 days of medicine.  Took the last 2 pills yesterday and felt fine  and one day later…. things are starting to feel weird again.  It seems that I am only fine when I am taking those pills but as soon as I am off of them… the problem returns! Luckily, I go back to the doctor Monday so hopefully he’ll have some answers.  Tired of illnesses!  UGH!

Now that I’ve said all that… I have to end on a positive note.  Despite the high stress levels and the lack of loss on the scale….. I managaed to accomplish a lot this week and the things that weren’t resolved now have times and dates to be completed.  As many friend/family dates as I have planned… I am going to make myself forget everything else and enjoy each and every moment I have with everybody.  I’m going to continue to try to make good choices and work out when I can…. but basically I’m going to see the move to Scotland as an opportunity for a fresh start and a new me.  I’m going to forget everything else and consider Scotland my “new Beginning.”  I’m truly overwhemlmed at the moment but confident this will pass and when I get settled in Scotland I can take a deep breath and breathe again!  Wishing you all a great week.

My apologies for not being on for a while.  I’m still battling ailments.  I had a painful bout of kidney stones which led to a bladder infection and while all that was going on I tested positive on my annual TB skin test.  I had to miss a week of work waiting on the chest x-ray to come back which would say whether I was contagious or not.  Happy to report it’s TB infection and not active TB so I am not contagious and was able to go back to work.  Next week I have to visit the TB clinic to get started on a preventative medicine so that I don’t ever become infected.

So on top of all that my stress levels have been through the roof and I have been eating everything in sight.  I can’t stay well long enough to get a good workout routine started and my move to Scotland is less than a month away and I have TONS to accomplish before then.

Luckily I haven’t gained but I haven’t lost either.  Now that I am back at work and over the most recent of ailments… I’m returning to my positive state of mind.  I don’t often let things bother me enough to keep me negative for long.

I’ve come to some realizations.  There is no time restraint on me.  I’m going to have ups and downs because that is part of life.  I want to reach my weight loss goals and I want to be healthy more than anything but I can’t let myself get stressed over not hitting a certain number on the scale by a certain date.  Everyday I am learning more and more about what I need to do to live a healthy lifestyle and I may not be having the results right now but I am certain that when I get to Scotland and destress and have the time to finally focus on me…. results will follow.  Until then, I will simply continue to try to do my best and make the best decisions I can in the situations that arise.

I know that I am very stressed out right now and I know that I am an emothional eater… so I’m trying to work through that and come up with better ways to destress than binge on food.  Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I don’t…. but I don’t doubt that I’ll get to where I want to be in time!

I hope everyone has a great week and I wish you all great successes this week.  Now, time to get caught up on reading my BS buddies’ blogs!  I’ve missed y’all!

I recently had a question posted to me about how such a big move to Scotland came about for me… so here is my answer!  A few years ago my brother started playing on a game site… King.com.  He got me playing on it as well.  On this game site you have a variety of types of games and can get in tournaments.  I got in a tournament and ranked a score in the top ten.  I noticed the winner of the challenge had this amazing score so I sent them a message to simply say, “Kudos on such a great score.”  He sent a message back.  Then, we became “game buddies.”  And would send each other challenges competing against one another.  Over the next two years we would compete against each other and began to chat as well.   All we really knew about each other when we first started chatting was each others names and countries.  He was Andrew in Scotland and I was Gillian in the U.S.

At some point, we began spending less time challenging each other to games and more time getting to know each other through chatting.  Over a year later, our computer chats morphed into phone conversations.  Keep in mind, neither of us was considering a romantic relationship.  We just enjoyed talking to one another and enjoyed the conversation the other had to offer.  Plus it was cool learning about the different environments we were both in.

Eventually, we knew we wanted to meet face to face and possibly pursue a romantic relationship and after two years of playing games on the computer and endless coversations, we met face to face in November of 2008.  We knew then, we were meant for one another.  He spent the next six months visiting as often as he could and then we had “the talk” knowing at some point one of us was going to have to relocate.

So, having never been out of the country and not venturing out of Kentucky too many times, I said, “Okay, I’ll move to Scotland!”  He’s going to continue his great job in IT development instead of trying to search for work during the U.S economic crisis and I get the opportunity to travel and focus on my writing finally.  We also realized that I have spent the majority of my life taking care of everyone around me… and this may be the first time I’ve ever done something for myself and had the opportunity to focus on myself for a change.

So, long story short (too late!) we celebrated our 1 year anniversary in November (on separate continents.)  We haven’t seen each other since early November and he will be here on St. Patrick’s Day.  After a week of visiting my family and our friends, he is taking me back to Scotland March 24th for us to begin the next stage of our relationship… in the same time zone!  I’m excited, nervous, anxious and terrified all rolled into one!  We are very much in love though and ready for our new lives together!  And that is the story of how my Scotland move came to be a reality.  Oh, and our love for each other hasn’t dulled our competitive edge.  We still play games together and still would rather lose to anyone other than each other!

My apologies to my BS friends for being out of contact for so long.  Pneumonia did me in for a while!  I am all better now.  The reality of my move to Scotland has finally hit me.  I know I don’t have a lot of time to drop pounds before the big move but I do have 7 more Friday weigh ins to work with!  So now I just need to stay healthy for a while so that I can focus on my eating plan and workouts.

My boyfriend will be coming to town March 17th and I want him to be able to tell some pounds are gone.  He’ll be escorting me back to Scotland on March 24th.  I feel like I have made no progress so far but know that a lot was out of my control as they were trying to figure out what medical condition I was dealing with.  However, all that is behind me now (hopefully.)

All my tests and worries are over with the endocrinologist.  The verdict was polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS.)  All I can do is take a daily medication and lose weight.  So that is the plan.

My next weigh in is on Friday morning.  My aim is to have a loss… don’t care how much!  I am still currently sitting still at 284…. stubborn 280’s!  I haven’t made much effort up until this point this week but plan to get in 3 hour long workouts (at least 1 hour Tues, Wed and Thurs;) drink tons of water and watch my portions.  It’s time to get serious!

I’ve tried praying, willing and wishing these pounds away for the majority of my life… now it’s time to WORK them off!  I hope to get caught up on reading all my buddies blogs tonight as well…. my illness prevented me from keeping up!  But I’m back now and ready to motivate and BE motivated!  Have a great week everybody!

My apologies for being away for so long.  When I weighed in on the 15th I lost two pounds.  This week I’ve stayed the same.  Still haven’t been exercising but am on bedrest at the moment.  This is also why I haven’t been on recently.  I went to the doctor the other day and learned I had a sinus infection, double ear infection and pneumonia.  So right now, my only priority is getting well again.

Monday the doctor is allowing me to go back to work and I’m hoping to feel like myself again then.  I am anxious to go to the endocrinologist Monday afternoon and learn what it is I have so we know where to go from there.  I hope everyone else is doing well and I hope to be caught up on reading everyone else’s blogs very soon!

I have been doing well with not having sugar since the first of the year and even made it through my birthday wihout missing cake.  I am still struggling with working out though.  So far this week, I have been so sluggish that when I get home from work all I am doing is eating my meals and going to bed… not a good combination.  I think I have a sinus infection and that is causing the icky feeling and desire to sleep all the time.  I have to improve because I am going to Indianapolis this weekend to visit friends.  I’m looking forward to this weekend and don’t want to feel crappy for my weekend of fun!  The good news is that both friends I am going to visit are also trying to lose weight and they know I can’t have sugar, so I shouldn’t have any temptations this weekend.  One of my friends has a home gym so maybe we can eve work out.  Here’s hoping I can pull this week together and get on the ball with my water and exercise and have a loss this week.  I hope everyone out there is having a good week!

Well, so far I have followed doctor’s orders but I feel like I am relearning to eat now that I have to say good bye to sugar.  And sooooooo many things have sugar in them that I never really even thought about before.  So it will be an adjustment but I’m still confident I can do this and will like the results.  I also never realized that every refreshment served after church is sugary!  I think I’ll start bringing a healthy option so that I can take part in the refreshments and perhaps help someone else out that has to or wants to avoid the sugary snacks.

I was correct about my “ladies time” and haven’t worked out this week due to the awful cramping.  The worst of all that seems to be behind me though and I intend to workout all the rest of this week. 

It dawned on me today just how much I want to accomplish this year!  And for once they don’t just seem like dream goals but attainable goals.  I can’t remember the last time I felt good about the upcoming year…. but this WILL be a great one!  I also want to thank all my buddies here.  Anytime I’m not inspired, reading your blogs perk me right back up to where I need to be.  So thank you all for that. 

Let’s all have a great week.  Stay positive, stay inspired and stay active!